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Amber Hyunh

Amber Hyunh, Pi Class

“Everytime we’re about to be good, he drinks and does something; so that’s why I don’t like him too much. I used to hold it in and burst whenever I did, but when I did he gets more angry. So I learned not to say anything when he’s drunk. He’s been better, but it’s just like a cycle. He’ll be better, and then he’ll be worse, and then he’ll be better. It’s kind of those things where you fail an exam and you try to study better but you study and you end up doing worse, and then you tell yourself you’ll keep doing better- but you don’t. I think it’s never enough because he’ll never be happy. And even when he does show affection I’m really disgusted by it because I don’t want his love. But I can’t say that to him or else that would cause problems, so it’s kinda like I have to put an act in my family. It’s hard because I don’t want him to affect everything in my life, but I just put myself in a cycle I shouldn’t be in. I lose trust in myself, because I let this happen to myself. I do the victim blaming, like if I was a better daughter then he wouldn’t drink or if I had a better career maybe I would be able to give the life he wants. He says he drinks to get away from his problems but if I think about it, he has no problems- he doesn’t work. So I think it’s a really dumb excuse. But also when you’re an alcoholic, you can’t stop drinking. It’s like an endless cycle; I’ll get a career and I’ll be happy. I’ll be able to support my dad, but then he’ll go off and retire in Vietnam and my main concern is if he’s gonna bring my mom along with him. Even if I do all the responsibilities and requirements that my parents want of me, I’ll never feel enough. If I don’t support my mom, who’s gonna support her? And even if I don’t support my dad, someone has to do it. “ - Amber Hyunh, Pi Class | Humans of Psi

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